the year of magical thinking - joan didion

i wandered into barnes & noble on tuesday night looking for something. i stumbled upon this book. i had heard good things about the book how it chronicled the loss of her husband.

i cried and cried and cried through this book. it was so truly beautiful. it was so honest and i identified with so much that she shared about her grieving process which is so personal and chaotic. i didn't know that she was episcopalian. i didn't know that her husband was also a writer.

i needed this book.

"i realize how open we are to the persistent message that we can avert death. And to it's punitive correlative, the message that if death catches us we have only ourselves to blame."

"I know why we try to keep the dead alive; we try to keep them alive in order to keep them with us... There is a point at which we must relinquish the dead, let them go, keep them dead."

i'll probably be posting bits and pieces from this book for a while.

new life bursting through death

this is a great video of rowan williams, archbishop of canterbury, discussing lent.
it's not about gloom but 'new life bursting through death'.

compline

After Alpha tonight, I was invited to participate in Compline. An evening prayer which was completely foreign to me.

We used the Compline prayer from The Book of Common Prayer of the Church of Ireland.

It was so incredibly special. It was just the three of us speaking these ancient words of worship in unison and it was so powerful. I can't really explain it - it was just intimate and focused and amazing.

As I drove home, I thought how crazy it was that there were people all over the words speaking, praying Compline tonight, perhaps even simultaneously.

church shopping

well..

i've been looking for a home church for quite some time but today i decided to get really serious about it. i can't tell you what pushed me over the line from contemplation to action - but at 6:10p i found myself walking up a few stairs to the front door of an unfamiliar church for evening prayer and low mass.

there is always a sense of trepidation when i enter a new church for the first time unaccompanied. not that i think lightning will strike but i sometimes wonder. i almost expect someone to ask me what i'm doing there or escort me out. luckily this usually never happens and tonight was no exception.

in fact, everyone was quite welcoming and it felt somehow as if i had come home.