i run to pray.

nothing quiets me or humbles me so like a good run. and in those tortured moments it is so obvious how God can take me beyond myself. and afterwards, when my heart is still racing - and i am absolutely shocked that i made it through - all i can do is thank him and praise him for another run.

but it's not just the run i am thankful for it is every brick wall that he has brought me through. and if i can just keep believing he will keep doing it. and even when i can't believe. even when i am quite certain that i am done, if i can just force myself to take a few more steps, he will show up for me.

that crazy God always shows up for me.
thank you.

i don't want to lie. i can't tell the truth.

i don't want to lie. i can't tell the truth. so, it's over.

i hate lies.

the only thing i hate more than lies are the people who tell them.
to some closer was a movie about cheating. but to me, it seemed more about lying.
lying to yourself and the people you care about.

the worst part of the movie was that conversation towards the end with jude law and natalie portman.

jude law knew natalie portman had slept with clive owen (when jude law was with julia roberts) but he wanted to hear her say it. he knew natalie loved him, that she 'preferred him' but that wasn't enough. natalie wasn't with jude when she did it - but he wanted to know - not even know because he already knew - he wanted her to confess. it wasn't as if she cheated because they weren't together, jude law had already left her for julia roberts.

he wanted to humiliate her. to expose her. and it was so ugly.

that movie showed some of the worst of human behavior - manipulation.