random musings on age 27

I remember one day I was waiting for the bus in 6th grade. It was so fucking cold.
My fingers were numb and I was shivering. I was miserable. I had about 10 minutes before the bus was due to arrive.

I thought of all the warm places I would prefer to be. My electric blanket. My mother's car with the heat on high. I remembered Jamaica. I thought of the sun, a gentle warmth kissing my skin. The pleasant burn of the sand as I ran to the water. Snorkeling in aquamarine water. I told myself over and over, "You are not cold. You are not cold." I climbed inside my memory of that vacation and for a few minutes I was actually warm.

That was power.

Years ago Tag Heuer had an ad campaign, "Success is a Mind Game." There was a man swimming in a pool with sharks at his heels.

Getting through is always a mind game.
Being able to contol my thoughts carried me through the marathon.
26.2 miles is a bitch.

She is so determined. She is so stubborn.
Same trait. Different result.

I have a certain hardheadedness and energy for the long haul.
Blessing/Curse
It got me through WashU; It kept me with my ex.

My ex.

What the fuck? I never ever ever want to go through anything like that again.
I really let myself down on that one.

A fuschia flower crushed under the heel of a black boot.

I left behind the ex. It's all the fucked up things that he did and said that echo in my mind like a dvd skipping.

Enough.

I love my job. I've been questioning whether I should be in finance since my last gig. My background is in Psychology.
So, what the hell am I doing? My natural talent is not math. But I'm dangerous with my hp12c.

I now work with international clients, I have a few domestic. I love it. I'm growing and learning which makes up for the pittance I earn. I'm grateful though.

Thinking about going back to school for my MBA, taking level I of the CFA next December. Moving to NYC or London.

Almost did my first triathlon. That's been pushed into 2006 due to an injury. Another marathon? Maybe.

I'm definitely getting some flight time in '06 - my Log Book is too dusty.

No Drilling in ANWR for Now

Senator Ted Stevens R-Washington attached the ANWR drilling initiative to a defense spending bill. He didn't think fellow Senators would risk voting against funds for troops and Katrina victims to save the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge. Senator Maria Cantwell D-Washington was correct in referring to his strategy as "legislative blackmail." Stevens has aggressively supported ANWR drilling for 25 of his 37 years in the Senate. Today he was denied a victory. No doubt, he will persevere.

Damon Breaks My Heart.

Boo!

Damon is leaving Boston for the Big Apple.

Johnny, how could you do it? The Evil Empire?
$52M? They're renting you cheap.

Err.. I hate the Yankees. Steinbrenner will be his Delilah.

Would this have happened if Epstein were still in the front office?

Chalk's Crash in Miami, All 20 Dead

The first time I ever went up in a seaplane was at Chalk's. My mother, obsessed with seaplanes, took me and my sister. It was an incredible experience.

Chalk's has a fascinating history but more impressive is their safety record. Chalk's has never had passenger fatalities since it opened in 1919. Prior to this afternoon, there had only been one crash during it's history, in 1994. Only the two pilots were aboard and both were killed. Once, in 1974, a plane was hijacked and taken to Cuba, since then the planes never carry enough fuel to make it there.

Witnesses agree that there was an explosion and then two pieces tumbled from the sky into the water. Some say it appears there was an explosion that separated the wing from the rest of the aircraft. This occurred shortly after takeoff from Miami headed to Bimini in the Bahamas. Granted, takeoff and landing are the most dangerous parts of air travel but wings don't spontaneously combust and separate from a plane. As Chalk's is a small, closely held company, that services mainly tourists, I wonder about their security measures. Most private airports and aviation companies operate under minimal security.

There were 20 people aboard, 2 pilots and eighteen passengers. Of the eighteen, three were infants. All bodies have been retrieved from the water except for one.

The plane that went down was an enhanced Grumman G-37 Mallard built in 1947. Only 59 were built between 1946-1951. Chalks had their ships converted from piston-engine to turbo-prop, avionics upgraded and main cabin seating increased to 17. Fuel can be carried in the wingtip tanks.

A team of aircraft safety investigators from the National Transportation Safety Board have already begun their inquiry. A salvage team will begin to raise the secured plane from the water tomorrow morning. They will review operating and maintenance records, hopefully retrieve the cockpit voice recorder and send it to Washington for processing. Soon we should know more.

Although the FBI has already stated that there is no evidence of foul play.

Clinton Denounces Bush's Inertia

Much to the chagrin of the Bush administration, Bill Clinton made an impromptu speech at the UN Conference on Climate Change. Clinton denounced U.S. refusal to ratify the Kyoto Protocol and Bush's argument that reducing greenhouse emissions would imperil the U.S. economy. The U.S. wouldn't even commit to proposals espoused by Canada that promoted future talks on emissions controls. The Bush administration illustrated their commitment to climate control by promoting the $3 billion per annum set aside for R&D into energy saving technologies.

After Clinton's formal remarks he suggested that participants look to engage the U.S. through means other than specific emission control figures. This is a hollow offering, as the U.S. won't even commit to "dialogue" on climate change.

My Runner's O

Some runners describe "Runner's High" as this thing where they become one with the universe while they are running and it just carries them into infinity. Something that lasts several minutes if not tens of minutes.

I sometimes have what I lovingly refer to as, "The Runner's O."

This afternoon, I was running in my apartment building gym, a three star dungeon, on a treadmill. It was me and Jay-Z. I was 53 minutes into my run and my breathing told the whole story. I never get the O before four miles. Yes, if it were recorded, amplified exponentially and replayed for my lover he would recognize it with fond memory.

There was a bit of pain. Not PAIN, as in anyone with good sense would stop, but a benign discomfort. A dull aching in my quads and arms that was a sweet agony. A soreness and exhaustion that was both tempting and discouraging. While my body was full, my mind was insatiable. My mind was pushing my body, "Faster! Harder! More!" It hurt but I couldn't stop. An all too familiar delerium.

It started with an awareness of the skin on my arms and legs as if someone were tickling my skin giving me goosebumps. Then a warmth that came slow and then fast. A full body blush that started pink and became red. And then it was extinguished with a shiver. Just. Like. That. Not even 30 seconds.

All the while I just kept running.

Meet Simone

Simone is my nemesis. I lay on my couch in my fat girl sweats watching the tv with a plate of cookies at my side while she changes into her workout gear, grabs her helmet and heads out my front door with her bike. I lay in bed, marveling at how impossibly warm my bed feels (considering I sleep nude) while Simone is at the edge lacing up her running shoes about to hammer out ten miles in the pre dawn cold. I fumble through my papers looking for the number to pizza delivery and she expertly slices tomatoes for a salad.

I fucking hate her. There is no peace with this bitch in my life.

So, why did I invent her?

I have no idea. She made her grand entrance into my life when I was training for a triathlon this past summer. I was biking on a trail, I was exhausted, my quads were lead and I wanted to quit. The great thing about going out on a trail is that you have to work to get back. It's not like riding laps where you can just stop when you get tired and you're close to home or your car. I had seven miles in front of me whether I biked, walked or crawled. I could have taken a break - stopped at the benches, had some water. But, I didn't want to stop. All I wanted to do was go home. I thought of getting off my bike and walking. It would give my quads a break - stretch out my muscles. LOSER. Suddenly, a different voice. STOP BEING A PUSSY AND PUSH. YOU WANNA GO HOME? FUCKING EARN IT. Simone was born.

I scratched my cornea in the summer, unable to wear contacts, I couldn't swim and had to miss my triathlon. Simone took off.
I didn't know if she would come back. But, she showed up last Thursday at 4am - started talking about running. At 7am, I gave in.

Truth is, I kind of missed her.

Winnie the Pooh Gets a Girl

Winnie the Pooh gets a girlfriend in a new television series set to air in 2007. As of yet, the 6-year old girl who will be Pooh's neighbor in the Hundred Acre Wood, is unnamed and her role is still ambiguous as is Christopher Robin's.

Is the glass ceiling beginning to crack?

Stanley Williams, Executed, 12/13/05 3:35am EST

Tookie was executed this morning for the murder of four people. Discussion about the case rarely focuses on that.

It wasn't enough that he was convicted of murdering those four, it was that he aided in the creation of a gang that is responsible for thousands of deaths. It wasn't enough that he became a changed man, it was that he had been nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize six times. Each side painted Tookie with broad strokes.

This case has rekindled the death penalty debate. Most cases are not this dramatic. He is painted as both the devil and a saint. How many death row inmated are responsible for creating a gang as obscenely violent and prolific as the Crips? How many death row inmates have been nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize at least once let alone six times?

Assuming each side is correct: Tookie is responsible for the murders of those four people as well as the thousands others taken by members of the Crips and he is a completely reformed individual, worthy of the Nobel Peace Prize - was execution the just and appropriate response?

Seeking A Most Trusted Driver

It is said that men prefer the chase. Common advice is to let men think they are driving the relationship. This is the day and age of The Rules. I'm uninterested in the tricks and strategies of understanding and trapping men as if they were game. Basically, you pretend to be 'a good pre-feminist chick' so you can get the guy who prefers 'a good pre-feminist chick.' What happens when you want to go back to being your 'fabulous post-feminist self'? What happens when the leopard wants to show her spots?

DIVORCE. (imagine Taye Diggs saying this as he clinks his glass in Brown Sugar)

It's like buying a size 6 dress when you wear a size 12. One of three things is going to happen: A. The dress sits in the closet while you wear something that fits (A miserable marriage). B. The dress is either given away or returned (Divorce). C. You starve and exercise until you are an unhealthy and bitchy size 6 (Become his perfect wife).

No. Fucking. Way. Buy the 12 and be happy. Why waste the money and closet space? Marriage is hard enough when you get everything you want - why complicate it further with falsity? It cheats everyone including the audience which is usually your kids. I think a common problem in relationships is that people, both men and women, haven't done the work to figure out who they are and what they cannot tolerate.

That being said I know I'm type A. I'm aggressive and unabashedly so. I might be the proverbial Alpha female. Intense and expansive. If I know what I want, I'm trying to get it. If I'm having an impulse, chances are I'm going to act on it unless there is a compelling reason to do otherwise. I am convinced - most men do not like aggressive women. I'm not giving lip service to the myth - this is just my experience. Of course, most of the men I have dated vocalize a preference for independent and aggressive women who exhibit confidence and focus. Yet, a common denominator is the expectation that I will initiate all sex, dialogue and strategy within the relationship. Err.. Yes, I like initiating things but not everything all of the time. This becomes so tedious and BORING.

Just as there are women who choose to be led unthinking along a path not of their own choosing so there are men.

I don't want that man.

There is nothing sexier to me than a man who knows who he is, what he wants and is chasing it with an unprecedented fanaticism. That shit is powerful and what is sexier than power? Apparently, a woman who has relinquished it. Or a woman who never shares it.

A few months ago I read an interview in Allure with Ellen DeGeneres. She was saying that sometimes when she comes home at the end of the day she just wants to be "quiet and small" and how Portia de Rossi gets that. I love Ellen for getting that. Ellen, clearly a powerful, independent, and aggressive chick, admits that sometimes she wants to be "quiet and small." This instantly resonated in a meaningful way with me.

I'm almost 28. I've been with myself all my life. I'm an introspective chick. I know a lot of shit about myself. Including how fucking psycho I can seem at times and how eerily brilliant I can be. I've been told I'm a walking contradiction and that I have two speeds - on or off. I'm honest enough to recognize the truth in that. It's just finding someone who can deal with both the on and the off. Someone who will let me be quiet and small without requesting it and that is all the difference in the world.

I love driving. I love determining how fast I will travel, which lane I will be in and for how long. Not to say that I can't be a passenger. The secret truth is I want to be a passenger for a while. I need that "off" time. I need to be able to be "quiet and small." The thing is finding a driver whom I can trust. I need a driver with a certain level of intensity but not to the point my life is endangered. There must be good reason to trust his decision making skills as much or more than I trust my own.

Iran's President Suggests Israel Relocate to Europe

I laughed out loud and shook my head when I read this article. Iran's recently elected President, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, has suggested that the Holocaust never occurred and that Europe's insistence that it has might explain their unconditional support of Israel. He then advocated Germany and Austria offer parcels of land to the Israelis, as a method of assuaging their own guilt, so the Israelis can relocate.

How outrageous. First, what would Europe gain by inventing the Holocaust? It's just as dim an argument as the U.S. imagining slavery. Neither Europe nor the U.S. stands to gain anything by creating these atrocites. The Holocaust and Slavery gave birth to movements, laws, coalitions, racism, etc.. It is evidenced in so many ways.

The world got a sense for his feelings about Israel when he called for it to be "wiped off the map" in October. There was no need for him to insult the rest of us by implying that we were engaged in this collective illusion.

A Modest Proposal for Tookie's Life

An article in the L.A. Times by Ted Hayes suggests that Schwarzenegger suspend Tookie's execution for as long as there is a cessation of gang-on-gang crime.

Hmm..

World AIDS Day, 2005

Beirut, Lebanon


Madrid Spain
Tengo SIDA. I have AIDS.


Soweto, South Africa


New Delhi, India


Washington, D.C.

World AIDS Day, 2005

Berne, Switzerland

The Swiss AIDS Foundation's demonstration, "Africa Needs Medicine Now" lit 8,000 candles in the shape of the continent in Parliament Square.



London, United Kingdom

The artwork entitled, "Rainbow of Hope" was created by South African children to illustrate their perspectives on having friends and family with HIV. The art was imported and displayed in Trafalgar Square.



Athens, Greece

Artwork by Athina Robie is displayed in a Metro Station.



Nairobi, Kenya

Volunteer speaks about HIV/AIDS at a counseling and testing center.



Amman, Jordan

Man covers his face for anonymity to protect against discrimination.



Buenos Aires, Argentina

An obelisk downtown is covered to appear as a large condom.

U.N. Conference on Climate Change

Check out this blog by activists at the U.N.Conference on Climate Change in Montreal.

Cali Supreme Court No Help to Williams

California's Supreme Court refused to reopen Tookie's case. The only remaining hope for his life is Schwarzenegger or a federal court.

The Last Best Kiss

My favorite Hollywood kiss is Adrien Brody and Halle Berry at the Oscars. It was spontaneous and passionate and seemingly authentic.

As little girls we are weaned on the notion that a true love's kiss will wake us from eternal slumber and begin the happy ending. At 27, I realize the absurdity of this yet in the deepest recesses of my imagination, there is a little bit of hope for just that. It's not the myth of a man with solutions for my every problem that I seek. Even in my fantasies I can't imagine someone with the solutions to all my problems or that I would implement their advice blindly in all facets of my life.

I still believe in the kiss. One kiss can reveal everything. It articulates what words cannot. Reviewing your inventory of kisses there are no doubt those that are incomparable. Each kisser has their trademark. But certain kisses stand apart intrinsically for how they made you feel and what they made you believe.

There is always one kiss that stands apart in our memory. In my lifetime, I've kissed more than my share, but can only describe two as utterly remarkable. One in 1996 and the other in 2005. The only common denominator in both scenarios is that I felt the magic and I believed it.

What made it your last best kiss?

Girl with Peanut Allergy Dies from Kiss

Above is Gustav Klimt's, 1908 masterpiece, Der Kuss (The Kiss).

Christina Deforges, a 15-year old Canadian girl with a peanut allergy, died after kissing her boyfriend who had recently eaten a peanut laden snack. I can relate as I suffer from the same extreme peanut allergy.

When I was in college, I kissed a boy around 7pm who had eaten cashews at noon. My lip swelled like Eddie Murphy in The Nutty Professor. I broke out in hives, started coughing, my throat began itching and I had difficulty breathing. It was a horrible experience.

Experts are unsure what causes a peanut allergy but there has been some correlation with the use of creams containing a protein found in peanuts and/or mothers who ingest nuts while pregnant or breastfeeding.

Global Impact of China's Polluted Songhua River

The lack of drinking water may be the focus in the short term but there are many other issues looming in the background. As dead fish begin to wash ashore from the Songhua River, we must wonder what isn't being addressed, what questions aren't being asked or answered.

It is encouraging to see the questions being posed by China's newspapers: How polluted was the drinking water before it was shut off? How will the Songhua pollution impact local food such as vegetables and livestock?

Our country's environmental situation remains grim.. As the economy has expanded, waste of resources and energy has continued growing, and the pressures on environmental protection are increasingly heavy."says the State Council according to China's Xinhua news agency.



Fifty miles of toxic slick will head downstream (North) from Jilin, the site of the original explosion, to Harpin, a city of nine million people. No doubt it will pass many rural villages that didn't make the BBC map or have officials cutting the water supply even under false pretenses. Benzene is colorless and reports show that you cannot tell the water is polluted by appearance. It will cross from China into Russia and empty into the Amur River which provides drinking water for Russians in the Khabarovsk region.

Russian officials have expressed concern that the benzene polluted river could affect their drinking water. The Natural Resources Minister has said they are taking ever precaution to protect the health of residents but will need China's full disclosure of what pollutants are in the Songhua so ensure they are taking appropriate measures. This has all the makings of a foreign policy nightmare.

China routinely shrouds certain issues in secrecy (ie: AIDS, SARS, Avian Flu, etc..) as they discern how they will handle those challenges within their borders. China must realize that their response, or lack thereof, impacts not only China but the rest of the globe. This is a lesson best taught by example, something both Russia and the U.S. should consider before their criticisms in the days to come.

Drinking Supply for 3 Million Polluted in China

Harbin Water Company executive, "We hope citizens can take time to hoard as much water as possible." Water has been sold out of most stores as is transportation out of Harbin via air or rail. More than 16,000 tons of drinking water are being provided but that is less than the impacted area uses in one day.

The November 13th explosion released high levels of Benzene into the Songhua River which supplies drinking water for 3 million in Harbin, one of the largest cities in China. Water was turned off on November 21st due to "water main repairs". On November 22, the media reported that the water may have been shut off due to fears of contamination from the explosio. The following day officials confirmed that the Songhua river was polluted with Benzene.

The nine million residents of Harbin have been warned to avoid so as to limit exposure to possible airborne contaminants. Benzene is distilled from petroleum, is colorless, non-water soluble, flammable and a known carcinogen. It is linked to health problems ranging from oral festering to the degeneration of bone marrow and leukemia.

Yangcheng Wangbao, a Chinese newspaper, worries that if the residents of Harbin question officials it will lead to "enormous hidden dangers in the subsequent handling of this case."

Explosion in China Pollutes Songhua River with Benzene

After much delay on November 23, China has confirmed that their decision to cut off the water supply to Harbin City on November 21st was not related to water main maintenance but an explosion at a Jilin Petrochemical plant on November 13th. The explosion has polluted the drinking water of 3 million people with Benzene, an industrial solvent and known carcinogen.

A nitration tower in the benzene production facility was blocked and a plant worker 'bungled' his efforts to fix it. Five were confirmed dead, one missing and 70 wounded in the chemical blast.

After the explosion Benzene levels in the Songhua River were 108 times the national safety level and but have since lowered to 29.

Pablo Picasso, Girl Before a Mirror

Picasso, one of my favorite artists, Jeune Fille Devan un Miroir (Girl Before a Mirror), one of my favorite paintings. Completed in 1932, it is at once a woman reaching through time to embrace both a former and future self, a woman in the present reconciling the differences between reality and fantasy.

It is in this mirror that I see not only myself but those that have shaped me and those whose light and warmth and achievement I hope to somehow reflect. I see teachers, athletes, writers, artists, colleagues, cultural icons, family and those that I am privileged to call friends. My friendships, built on an intimacy that is both thorough and immediate. Friendships that are discovered rather than created. A love at first sight. A recognition, as if looking in a mirror at a former/future self.

Thank you to my beautiful friends who complete my life. Whose very presence reminds me that there is a kind and benevolent rhythm to life that follows divine order. I know, without exaggeration, that I couldn't exist as I am without you. Your generous hearts and brilliant minds are the maps that guide me to the summit.

Virgin Jets to Run on Cellulosic Ethanol

In September, Sir Richard Branson, entrepreneur extraordinaire and Chairman of Virgin Group announced that he would build his own oil refinery to mitigate the rising cost of oil. Clearly this was not an idea of great ingenuity. An oil refinery takes at least 4-5 years to build and that's if you can find a location to build one. Most locales would be less than enthusiastic about an oil refinery going up in their backyard. A refinery hasn't been built on U.S. soil inside the past 29 years.

In Dubai for the Abu Dhabi World Leadership Summit and to promote Virgin's new daily service from London to Dubai, Branson announced a vastly superior solution, building cellulose ethanol plants. The Virgin Group has four airlines: Virgin Atlantic, Virgin Cargo, Virgin Nigeria and Virgin Blue (located in the Down Under). The four airlines collectively use 700 gallons of fuel to fly their 100 aircraft per annum.

His intention is to use cellulose ethanol which is comprised of organic waste (grass, straw, etc..) as opposed to traditional ethanol that is created from corn or sugar cane. Cellulose ethanol is preferred to traditional ethanol as it is created from agricultural residues (corn stalks, straw, fiber rich grasses like switch grass) and not product that can be sold for other uses like corn or sugar cane. Branson estimates that it will take at least 5-6 years to switch from traditional jet fuel to biomass. So, the daily flights from London to Dubai launching in March 2006 will not be fueled by biomass.

It's curious that he chose Dubai as the location to announce his switch from oil to cellulosic ethanol. Dubai is a new market for Virgin and a city whose prosperity was created through the rising cost of oil.

If only the rest of the world could conceive exchanging oil for biomass inside of three months. Branson provided few details on plant construction. It is my hope that if further research shows it prohibitively expensive for Virgin to build their own plants they will support existing makers of cellulose ethanol like Iogen Corporation.

HIV Infection Rates Down in Blacks

A recent report by the CDC shows that HIV infection rates in Blacks have decreased by approximately 5% per annum since 2001. But don't let the headlines fool you. Blacks, both men and women are 8.4x more likely to contract HIV then Whites. 69% of all new HIV/AIDS cases are Black. The rate of infection amoung gay and bisexual men rose 8% in the past year, disappointing since the rate had remained constant over the past three years.

The highly publicized decline in new cases is highly correlated with the declining rate of new infections in intravenous drug users. The drop among intravenous drug users can be attributed to the success of needle exchange programs. These programs remain controversial as many detractors of the programs (ie: The Family Research Council) feel they weaken efforts to contain drug abuse.

Don't be placated by the cheery headlines. HIV/AIDS is still a major threat to the Black community. Clearly needle exchange programs have impeded the spread of HIV and AIDS in all communities, Blacks being the majority of that community. Since the lack of sterile needles doesn't discourage drug use and providing them is saving lives, I feel it is a practice worth continuing and promoting.

Snoop Rallies to Save Tookie

Snoop lends his weight and inflence to a peaceful rally outside of San Quentin State Prison urging Governor Schwarzenegger to grant clemency to Tookie Williams. Schwarzenegger said earlier in the week that he hadn't reached a decision yet but was approaching it with dread.

Not since four decades ago when Governor Ronald Reagan granted clemency to a brain damaged death row inmate has a death sentence been waived in the state of California.

We'll need to do more than cross our fingers.

Protecting the Grizzly

The number of Grizzlies has doubled since they were added to the endangered species list in 1975. The Department of the Interior has recommended removing them from the list which would give management of the grizzlies back to the states. It is almost guaranteed that Wyoming, Idaho, and Montana would allow for them to be hunted.

Republicans feel the Endangered Species list is a nuisance unto itself, it hinders the rights of landowners particularly since most animals are not recovered. On the issue of the Grizzly, activists are split. Some say take them off the list because it shows the list works and endangered species can be recovered. Others argue that the Grizzlies should stay because there are too many other threats to their existence.

I'm never excited about hunting as a sport. Between the hunter and the bear - My vote goes to the bear.

Crude Oil at 5 Month Low

Well, it seems we will have ample oil for the winter after all.
Crude oil prices dropped on the reported rise in inventory.

A Mexican Perspective on Paris

I thought the entire article was interesting. In particular, his closing remarks.

"Considering Europe’s crises, it should be clear to Americans that multiculturalism will lead to a weak and divided nation. Furthermore, most Latin American immigrants represent a valuable resource of moral and ethical persons, and the U.S. should not cast them aside."

I'm not quite sure what he meant by multiculturalism, as it tends to be a loaded word. America is multicultural and it is one of our greatest strengths. Integration of all cultures into the capitalist brouhaha is necessary but forced and complete assimilation will destroy us.

Our society is obsessed with "tolerance". If that is the most we dare to strive for - we've already lost.

Riots in Paris

The world looks on in horror at the riots in the suburbs of Paris - but most residents are unsurprised. It wasn't uncommon for 40-50 cars to be torched prior to the globally publicized riots. The catalyst was the unintentional electrouction of two young North African boys aged 15 & 17 - chased into an electrical sub-station in Clichy-sous-Bois by overzealous police.

Those familiar with the conditions in the Paris suburbs have been expecting this for some time. Blacks and Arabs have been segregated to the Parisian suburbs with a 40% unemployment, predatory police, sub-standard schools, inadequate housing (in 2004, 100,000+ people applied for 12,000 subsidized housing slots in Paris). A suburban zip code, a Muslim name, a dark face on a resume (In the EU, it is not uncommon for pictures to accompany a resume) preclude any opportunities for even an interview.

Just as it is illegal to discriminate on the basis of race in the U.S., it is the same in France. It occurs regardless. The discrimination in France is palpable on many levels. There are no non-white faces on French tv, in the shops, hotels, or nightclubs. Blacks and Arabs face a disproportionate It is disgusting. It is tolerated. I wonder if France is not humiliated by these riots of their own making.

an e.e. cummings moment

i thank You God for most this amazing
day:for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and a blue true dream of sky;and for everything
which is natural which is infinite which is yes

(i who have died am alive again today,
and this is the sun's birthday;this is the birth
day of life and love and wings:and of the gay
great happening illimitably earth)

how should tasting touching hearing seeing
breathing any--lifted from the no
of all nothing--human merely being
doubt unimaginable You?

(now the ears of my ears awake and
now the eyes of my eyes are opened)

Red Linens

So, my birthday is on the horizon. I might have to treat myself to bright red linens from Charles P. Rogers.

Bill Clinton's Dinner Remarks

I took a few notes at the dinner on things Bill Clinton had to say that I found interesting:

The main point of his prepared remarks was that there has never been a better time for private citizens to work for the public good. The three main vehicles that have enabled this: 1. The Power of Public Opinion 2. The Internet 3. Non-Governmental Organizations

He told a story of how a woman once asked, "When is all the meanness going to stop?" He told her, "When it doesn't work anymore."

He believes that repairing global relationships should be a priority on our national agenda.

If he were in office, the three domestic issues that would be a priority: 1. Eliminating the deficit, balancing the budget, inacting a conservative fiscal policy ("We shouldn't be borrowing money from the Chinese to pay for Bill Clinton's tax cuts") 2. Radically changing energy policy - Alleviating dependence on foreign oil, Investing in alternative energies will also create new jobs that this country desperately needs. 3. Redoing healthcare - Malpractice is too expensive, doctors are forced to practice defensive medicine, last two months of life are the most expensive ("The U.S. is one of the most religious countries but we're also the most reluctant to go to heaven")

He mentioned a radical shift in energy policy at several different points during the evening. Once he mentioned it and referenced ANWR. He said the drilling ANWR was not a viable solution to our energy crisis - "We'll get about six months worth of gas from ANWR"

Someone asked if Iraq was really artificial construct and if it would most likely separate and become three countries one Sunni, one Kurdish and one Shiite. Clinton said it was a very intelligent question and I was unable to discern his opinion on what he thought would happen from his answer.

He said it was very important that the U.S. create new jobs. "We have no right to ask the Indians and Chinese to be poor."

If Women, Blacks and Latinos would enter careers in the life sciences at the same rate as White Men, not Asians who enter them at a higher rate, we would greatly improve our future. Historically we have imported our math and science brains. Post 9/11 we have made it too difficult for foreigners to come here to learn. "For every one bomb, we keep out ten brains." Those that are coming are returning home after school because the situations in their home countries have improved to the point where they are now more attractive then they were in the past.

He said it was very important to make Lebanon a free country again.
For Palestinians to have their own country, transportation, and a way to do business with the Israelis.
Need to heal the Israeli public that has been traumatized.
Increased concern about Syria and the assasination. Was it ordered by their president or was it a rogue assasination?

Dinner with Bill.

Bill Clinton was the dinner speaker for Golden Tree's Second Annual Investor Conference. Doesn't he look angelic in this picture?

I was on my cell in a corridor of the Essex House, it was empty except for me and one other guy who was on his cell. Bill Clinton arrived escorted by two or three secret service men. He shook both of our hands as he walked down the hallway. It was pretty cool. I'll never forget it. The funny thing is this is the second time I've seen Bill in person this year. In the second week of February I saw him at Zaytinya in Washington, DC.

My Hotel in NYC

This is where I stayed overnight in NYC. I booked online. It was a great little boutique hotel on the Upper West side. I didn't spend much time there but my room was incredibly comfortable. I enjoyed the flat screen for a few minutes when I watched the horror of the terrorist attacks in Jordan.

Definitely Experience Acela

I love trains. Love them. The rhythm - the gentle soothing motion. They're relaxing. I love to ride. When I was a baby, my mother would sometimes drive me around just to put me to sleep. Trains also give you the opportunity to take in the view. The trees falling through cardinal red and speckled gold to winter.

At my mother's insistence, I booked the Acela for my trip to NYC.

To me it was well worth the additional $60. True the Acela is impressively fast and smooth. I reached NYC approximately 25 minutes faster than had I taken another Amtrak service. Acela business class (Acela coach) is quiet, clean and roomy. That alone made it worth the additional cost.

A Bit More

A Bit of British Humor

I thought this was pretty funny.

Palestinian Hip Hop

I just discovered this! You've got to give it a listen...
It's relevant and inspired. Ok, you already knew all about it and are holding your breath for the documentary.

Should the Terminator Save Big Took?

The execution of Stanley "Tookie" Williams, co-founder of the west coast gang the Crips, has been set for December 13, 2005 at one minute past midnight.

At the center of most argments supporting capital punishment is the premise that the guity cannot be rehabilitated. Big Took - as he is known in some circles, for obvious reasons (see above picture) - has become a global voice for peace since his incarceration. Two Newark gangs, collectively responsible for 34 homocides in four months, signed a peace treaty based on an initiative from Took's website. In London, he is featured in anti-gang advertising in print magazines and in two different public service announcements in the states. He has authored nine children's books discouraging violence and gang activity and been nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize five times.

If ever there were a poster child for rehabilitated death row inmates it is Tookie Williams.

Arnold is not going to pardon Big Took. I'd love to see it, but I just don't think it's going to happen. His approval ratings are in line with our president, so he can't really afford to appear soft on crime. Clemency for Williams would only alienate his base. Yet can he risk L.A. burning like Paris?

News from Hospice

The moment that I have been fighting all week has arrived. The sun is peeking through my blinds, tapping me to wakefulness and I should be off to work to finish reports before interviewing applicants for my undergraduate university. But no, I am immobilized by the fear of death, it's certainty, and I erupt into tears. I have a day, commitments, promises to be kept with grace and enthusiasm - but how? Where does that come from?

My grandmother who has been sick most of her life was diagnosed with cancer five years ago to the season. My beautiful, beautiful, grandmother, her body riddled with tumors, the very act of breathing painful. Sometimes she greets me at the door, shuffling around the kitchen in pink socks and slippers, oatmeal cookies in the oven, a freshly baked cake on the table. Other days, the house is motionless, she is in bed cozied up with her oxygen, death waiting silently in the darkness.

My mother's parents moved in with her shortly after her divorce and have lived with her ever since. Until I left for college, we all lived together. I go back home almost every weekend.

Hospice has been coming for a while now. This week, the nurse came and then called for backup. Two more officious women came and spoke to my grandmother about wrapping things up. Told my mother, "You do realize she may not rally again." Like she's the stock market. The thing is no matter what they say it's off color. There is no nice way to tell someone that death is gaining on the person they love.

I didn't want to tell my sister this because I didn't want to upset her. Each of us are barely clinging to sanity. The thing is, we already know this, it's not breaking news, we are witnessing her transition. We are consistently present. I told her anyway, because I would want to know. Of course, she put her world on pause and drove up. Last night, we talked into the wee hours of the morning outside the house in my car. It was a good chat. I think I needed it more than her.