random musings on age 27

I remember one day I was waiting for the bus in 6th grade. It was so fucking cold.
My fingers were numb and I was shivering. I was miserable. I had about 10 minutes before the bus was due to arrive.

I thought of all the warm places I would prefer to be. My electric blanket. My mother's car with the heat on high. I remembered Jamaica. I thought of the sun, a gentle warmth kissing my skin. The pleasant burn of the sand as I ran to the water. Snorkeling in aquamarine water. I told myself over and over, "You are not cold. You are not cold." I climbed inside my memory of that vacation and for a few minutes I was actually warm.

That was power.

Years ago Tag Heuer had an ad campaign, "Success is a Mind Game." There was a man swimming in a pool with sharks at his heels.

Getting through is always a mind game.
Being able to contol my thoughts carried me through the marathon.
26.2 miles is a bitch.

She is so determined. She is so stubborn.
Same trait. Different result.

I have a certain hardheadedness and energy for the long haul.
Blessing/Curse
It got me through WashU; It kept me with my ex.

My ex.

What the fuck? I never ever ever want to go through anything like that again.
I really let myself down on that one.

A fuschia flower crushed under the heel of a black boot.

I left behind the ex. It's all the fucked up things that he did and said that echo in my mind like a dvd skipping.

Enough.

I love my job. I've been questioning whether I should be in finance since my last gig. My background is in Psychology.
So, what the hell am I doing? My natural talent is not math. But I'm dangerous with my hp12c.

I now work with international clients, I have a few domestic. I love it. I'm growing and learning which makes up for the pittance I earn. I'm grateful though.

Thinking about going back to school for my MBA, taking level I of the CFA next December. Moving to NYC or London.

Almost did my first triathlon. That's been pushed into 2006 due to an injury. Another marathon? Maybe.

I'm definitely getting some flight time in '06 - my Log Book is too dusty.